Disagreements and Behaviour

Push teams are candid by design, and candour produces disagreement. These three frameworks keep it constructive. RISA is for when two people see a problem differently. The five steps are for when someone's behaviour is the problem. The last section is for when a colleague simply needs help and you have to work out what kind.

RISA: a framework for disagreements🔗

In order to be heard you have to listen.

The RISA framework for disagreements is a problem-solving framework that stands for Respect, Information, Solution, and Agreement.¹

1. Respect (Is it Real?) - The first step in resolving a disagreement is to show respect for the other person's perspective, ideas, and feelings. This means actively listening to what they have to say, acknowledging their point of view, and refraining from attacking or belittling them. Emphasizes the importance of acknowledging that the disagreement exists and is not just a misunderstanding or miscommunication. It involves accepting that there are differences in perspectives and opinions.

2. Information (Justify the Agreement) - The second step is to gather all the relevant information about the issue at hand. This includes identifying the facts and any underlying assumptions or values that may be driving the disagreement. It's essential to ensure that both parties have access to the same information to avoid misunderstandings. Focus on identifying the underlying reasons for the disagreement. It involves asking questions and actively listening to the other person's viewpoint. It helps to understand the reasons behind the disagreement to address them effectively.

3. Solution (Specific Enough) - The third step is to brainstorm possible solutions to the problem. It's important to consider all perspectives and to be open to creative solutions. At this stage, it's also essential to identify potential trade-offs and unintended consequences of each solution. Emphasizes the importance of being specific about the areas of disagreement. It involves breaking down the issue into smaller parts to have a better understanding of the areas of disagreement. It helps to address the disagreement more effectively.

4. Agreement (Are we Aligned in Objectives?) - The final step is to reach an agreement that is mutually acceptable to both parties. This means finding common ground and compromise and being willing to revisit the solution if necessary. It's also important to establish a plan for implementation and to monitor progress toward the agreed-upon solution. Focus on understanding whether both parties share common objectives or not. It involves finding common ground to reach a mutually beneficial outcome. It helps to ensure that the conversation is not counterproductive and helps to find a constructive solution.

By following the RISA framework for disagreements, people can approach conflicts in a constructive and respectful way, leading to more effective and satisfying solutions.

Confronting behaviour in five steps🔗

1. Recognise the behaviour. This involves keen observation and an understanding of what constitutes appropriate behaviour in the given context. Distinguish between occasional lapses and consistent patterns that may indicate a deeper issue. Recognition also means acknowledging your own biases and making sure they don't colour your perception of the situation.
   • Lencioni, P. (2012). The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else in Business. Jossey-Bass.
   • Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. Bantam.
2. Address it publicly. If the behaviour is disruptive or harmful and happens in public, it may need to be addressed immediately and openly. This deters repetition and sends a clear message about what is not acceptable. Do it tactfully, focusing on the behaviour rather than attacking the person.
   • Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2011). Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. McGraw-Hill.
3. Coach privately. Focus on the specific behaviour that needs to change, why it matters, and how the person can go about changing it. Do this in a private setting where the person feels safe and is open to feedback. The objective is to help them understand the impact of their actions and to support growth.
   • Whitmore, J. (2009). Coaching for Performance. Nicholas Brealey.
   • Goldsmith, M., & Reiter, M. (2007). What Got You Here Won't Get You There. Hyperion.
4. Support privately. After coaching, keep going: regular check-ins, resources for further learning, help finding a mentor. Reassure the person that they are not being singled out or punished but given an opportunity to improve.
   • Boyatzis, R., Smith, M., & Van Oosten, E. (2019). Helping People Change: Coaching with Compassion for Lifelong Learning and Growth. Harvard Business Review Press.
   • Kimsey-House, H., Kimsey-House, K., Sandahl, P., & Whitworth, L. (2011). Co-Active Coaching. Nicholas Brealey.
5. Affirm commitment publicly. Once there is progress, affirm your commitment to the person publicly: acknowledge the effort, highlight the improvement, restate your support. This reinforces the change and helps rebuild any trust or reputation that was damaged.
   • Heath, C., & Heath, D. (2010). Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard. Broadway Books.
   • Sinek, S. (2014). Leaders Eat Last. Portfolio.

Three ways of helping🔗

Not every problem wants a solution. Work out which of these the person in front of you needs before offering any of them.

1. A listening ear. Active listening is the core skill in offering support and establishing trust. It lets people feel heard, understood and valued, and often produces clarity and relief on its own.
   • Rogers, C. R., & Farson, R. E. (1957). Active Listening. Industrial Relations Center, University of Chicago.
   • Burley-Allen, M. (1995). Listening: The Forgotten Skill. Wiley.
2. Help with problem-solving. Structured problem-solving, as in cognitive-behavioural practice: identify the problem, generate solutions, evaluate them, implement the chosen one. The problem-solving guide has the steps.
   • Nezu, A. M., Nezu, C. M., & D'Zurilla, T. J. (2013). Problem-Solving Therapy: A Treatment Manual. Springer.
   • D'Zurilla, T. J., & Nezu, A. M. (2007). Problem-Solving Therapy: A Positive Approach to Clinical Intervention. Springer.
3. Brainstorming together. A widely accepted method for idea generation that encourages free thinking and collaboration, and a good way out of a creative rut.
   • Osborn, A. F. (1963). Applied Imagination: Principles and Procedures of Creative Problem-Solving. Scribner.
   • Paulus, P. B., & Brown, V. (2007). Toward more creative and innovative group idea generation. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 1(1), 248–265.

In all three cases the point is to give the kind of support the situation calls for. That takes flexibility, empathy and a willingness to change approach as the person's needs become clearer.

• Reupert, A., & Maybery, D. (2007). Families affected by parental mental illness. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 77(3), 362–369.
• Di Fabio, A., & Kenny, M. E. (2011). Promoting emotional intelligence and career decision making among Italian high school students. Journal of Career Assessment, 19(1), 21–34.